taken from msn.com
"What makes people truly happy is how they live ‘inside of themselves,'" says Dan Baker, Ph.D., author of the best-selling What Happy People Know and director of the Life Enhancement Program at Canyon Ranch Health Resort in Tucson, AZ. "Meaning that if you want enduring satisfaction, you have to approach life with a mind-set that allows you to walk on the bright side, no matter what's thrown at you."
Don't worry—this doesn't mean that you have to be perpetually chipper to be happy. Rather, decades of research indicate that true bliss stems from possessing 12 distinct characteristics that enable you to navigate life's rough spots with greater ease and feel content no matter the outcome. The good news: You already have most of these qualities—it's just a matter of tapping into them. Read on to discover the science-backed secrets to lasting happiness.
1. Optimism
Embracing all of your life experiences—even the really painful ones—with the knowledge that something good inevitably will come out of them is what optimism is all about. "It helps minimize fears about the future that could otherwise become debilitating, allowing you to move past them more quickly and ultimately lead a more carefree life," says Baker. Case in point: A classic study from the University of Massachusetts found that accident victims who had become suddenly paralyzed were more hopeful about the future than lottery winners.
The reason: The tragedy allowed them to see that most of the stuff that gets us down isn't really worth fretting over.
To become a more "glass half-full" thinker, take stock of how past bad experiences may have benefited you in the long run. For instance, perhaps getting dumped by your college sweetheart made you available when your true love arrived on the scene. And when you're anticipating rough times—say, a crushing week of work deadlines—devise an "optimism emergency plan": Make a list of what you hope to gain from the experience, and ask yourself if there's an opportunity to learn or grow. Approaching a potentially bad situation with an open and eager mind primes you to see the upside in everything.
2. Love.
Having a sense of compassion for the people in your life and knowing that you're cared for in return is one of the biggest predictors of happiness, says Baker. Whether it's the thrill of romantic love or nurturing parental love, feelings of companionship provide a comforting sense of belonging that enhances overall life satisfaction. One of the most well-documented ways to increase the love in your life: share quality time with others.
"Feeling isolated makes it easy to succumb to negative feelings like self-doubt and insecurity," explains David Niven, Ph.D., author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People.
"But spending time with loved ones strengthens the human connections that silence those self-defeating thoughts and improve mood." So keep planning movie nights with girlfriends, and enlist the company of others when you'd normally be alone. For instance, instead of throwing dinner together solo, ask your guy to help out. And to experience the mood-buoying effects of loving bonds even when you're alone, carry photos of loved ones in your wallet and peek at their smiling faces for an anytime pick-me-up.
3. Courage
Being courageous means acting in accordance with your personal values, an empowering practice that enhances your sense of self. "If you behave contrary to what you believe, you go to war with yourself," warns Baker. But stand up for what's important to you, and the pride you feel will increase personal satisfaction.
For the majority of women, this means curing the "disease to please" and speaking up even when you risk causing a stir, such as saying no to a neighbor who's always asking for a favor. When your life is in line with your sense of right and wrong, you avoid falling victim to happiness-sapping self-doubt.
4. Sense of choice
Research has found that people who describe themselves as "autonomous" and "self-governing" are up to three times more likely to be satisfied with their lives. These individuals know they have the power to opt out when a situation no longer suits them, Niven explains, so when things get bad, they make the active choice to change matters.
An easy (and enjoyable!) way to practice your power of choice is to indulge in your favorite pastimes whenever possible. Remember, you decide what goes on your to-do list, so opt to add that occasional afternoon of watching bad TV in your pj's. And if feelings of guilt threaten to ruin the moment, remind yourself that checking off this to-do will enable you to approach the rest of your chores with a more positive and invigorated attitude.
5. Proactivity
The happiest people are always on the hunt for new experiences thanks to a natural zest for life. To fire up your inner passion, Baker recommends setting a goal of making one mistake every single day. This encourages you to try new experiences you might otherwise have avoided out of fear of failure (like testing out the freaky-looking weight contraption at the gym!). Plus, exercising your curiosity in this manner is proven to promote happiness: Neurology researchers have found that diving into a fresh experience triggers the production of dopamine, one of the body's "feel-good" chemicals.
6. Security
True security means feeling good about your current place in life. It's recognizing that becoming rich or the most popular party host on the block will only get you a bigger, more crowded house. It won't change you, and that's a good thing. "Happy people simply like who they are," says Baker. "They're not slaves to popularity or financial status."
Security also stems from the knowledge that who you are today is the culmination of all the little moments in your history that can never be taken away from you. Your family history, your education, shared experiences with loyal friends—none of these things can be whisked away by the whims of fate, a fact that instills a sense of grounding and inner peace. So whenever you're feeling off-kilter, Niven recommends conjuring one of those self-defining moments (accepting your diploma, say, or listening to your best friend's toast at your wedding). Mentally reliving these formative experiences will help you keep your footing in the rockiest of situations.
7. Good health
The mind and body are intrinsically connected, so taking care of yourself both above and below the neck makes for head-to-toe happiness. "One of my favorite quotes is from a famous 1920s physician who said, ‘Health is the optimal condition that allows for the ultimate engagement in life,' " says Baker. "What he's saying is that health doesn't necessarily mean being fit, but being able to live fully."
The easiest way to achieve this optimal state of being: Get moving. Regular activity—be it walking, dancing, or playing Frisbee with your dog—releases endorphins (the substances responsible for a runner's high) and increases levels of the feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Best of all, just 10 minutes of exercise is all it takes to produce the mood-boosting brain changes, according to Northern Arizona University researchers.
8. Spirituality
People who tap into their spiritual side have greater life satisfaction than those who don't, according to a growing body of research. It reminds us that life may have bigger meaning beyond our knowing, explains Niven, so we don't dwell so much on the little things. Research also reveals that religion can have a positive effect on both physical and mental health: People who regularly pray or attend religious services are less likely to suffer from hypertension, anxiety disorders, and depression, according to experts at Duke University's Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health. Any soulful act, including meditation, walking in the woods, reading an inspiring book, or listening to a moving piece of music, can help you dial into the bigger picture, assures Baker.
9. Altruism
Giving without expectation is one of the easiest ways to feel good about yourself, your world, and life in general: "Altruism connects you to others, gives you a purpose, and gets you outside yourself," says Baker. Having a positive impact on somebody else's life generates feelings of goodwill that help minimize whatever negativity might be occurring in your own life. Looking for inspiration? Log on to volunteermatch.org, a nonprofit site that allows you to search for philanthropic organizations in your area that match your interests. And if you're strapped for time, don't fret: Taking a girlfriend out for a hot-fudge sundae when she's having a rough week has the same happiness-inducing benefits as participating in an organized volunteer program.
10. Perspective
Happy people mentally frame life experiences so that the good features prominently in the forefront, while the bad is that fuzzy, out-of-focus backdrop. For example, one study at the University of Georgia found that happy workers who'd just been promoted were ecstatic about the new opportunity, whereas unhappy employees dreaded the additional work that came with the bigger title.
To adopt a positive viewpoint, Niven suggests comparing a seemingly bad situation to the worst-case scenario. For instance, getting up at 5 a.m. for work isn't fun, but would you rather wake up later for a job you hate—or worse, no job at all? "If you measure your current happiness against the greatest moments in your life, you might be disappointed because those moments are hard to beat," Niven explains. "But if you measure today's satisfaction against some of your tougher days, you have all the reason in the world to appreciate your life right now."
11. Humor
"Finding humor in a bad situation is a shift in perception that gives people the guts to push forward even when things look grim," says Baker. Laughter also causes physiologic changes in the body that make you feel good: When something tickles your funny bone, you experience a spike in feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine, while levels of the stress hormone cortisol drop. Make an effort to experience some funny stuff each day, whether it's by reading the comics in the newspaper or tuning in to your favorite talk show host at night. One genuine laugh a day is all you need to lighten up about life, says Niven.
12. Purpose
Having a reason to bound out of bed every morning is one of the most sustaining sources of happiness because it gives you something positive to focus your life on. Some find purpose in being a phenomenal mother and wife. Others find it in teaching and inspiring kids, or mentoring junior colleagues at work.
"If you're not sure what your purpose is, then your purpose is to find a passion," says Baker. Start by engaging in small activities that light up your day and give you a sense of truly being you.
For instance, sign up for an acting workshop if you have a burning desire to be on the stage. Check out books about pet care if you have an interest in animals. Even joining a social group like a book club could open doors to new experiences and relationships that reveal your true path. And once you've discovered your passion, practice it daily. "When what you do with your daily life really talks to your heart, you'll be truly happy," says Baker.
read it, print it out - hang it on your mirror & look at it everyday.. because really - we all need this!
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